1. Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner shall be abolished. Only snacks made of cheese may be consumed.
2. Subjects may only eat on blue plates. No purple ones. No blue. Purple. BLUUUUUUUUE.
3. Sharing is expressly prohibited. If you want something that your friend is currently playing with, grab it and lay on top of your friend until they surrender.
4. At bedtime, all subjects must make up at least 5 excuses before surrendering to bed. Excuses such as “I am thirsty,” “I have to go to the bathroom,” “My arm hurts,” and “I can’t find my (insert stuffed animal no one has ever cared about before)” are all acceptable.
5. At bath time, you must ensure that more water ends up outside of the tub than inside. Soap should not touch any areas except your elbow. Bonus points if you throw water in your brother’s face or make your mom have to change her clothes.
6. If you are dressed to go outside and your mom and dad are in a hurry, announce that you need to go to the bathroom. When you get into the bathroom, forget why you are there. This does not apply if you are going to the park or for ice cream.
7. At least once per week, throw yourself on the floor and cry hysterically. Under no circumstances are you permitted to tell anyone why you are crying.
8. If a grown up accidentally curses in front of you, repeat that word at least 50 times and preferably in front of other grown ups.
9. When choosing what book to read before bed, choose the longest book you own and interrupt every third word to ask a question. The question does not need to relate to the book.
10. Just when your mom and dad can’t take it anymore, give them a hug and tell them you love them. They live for that stuff.